Understanding Fears and Triggers – Form

Think of something that has happened recently in your past in which you communicated with someone in a conflicted or hostile manner. For example: you may have received a bill which you felt was unfair, and you know you can’t afford, and you challenged the charges.
Your answer

Now, identify the fears you held around the moment you’ve identified, e.g “I can’t afford this”, “I’m in debt”, etc. Be as descriptive as you like – this exercise will help you process your thoughts.

What other concerns did you have regarding this? For example – “this means my rent will be late”

In relation to your initial fear, was it a REAL and immediate threat, such as immediate foreclosure, or something that was otherwise impacting your sense of safety? A REAL fear as comparison to a PERCEIVED fear. So ask yourself, “was it really real?”

Write down a list of alternatives you could have applied, e.g. asked for an extension, payment plan, taken on extra work, queried the bill, asked for a discount

If you could be (or were) successful in resolving this so it was acceptable to you, write down what would this mean. What emotions would you be feeling (or did you feel)? e.g. relieved? happier? Write what is applicable to you.

Often when we are faced with a fear, when it’s put under a microscope, it is not what we originally thought. It might be ugly, uncomfortable, or cause us some other pain, but it’s not really life threatening. Reflecting on the task above, please answer the following question: what other feelings might this situation evoke? Is it something that makes you feel judged, vulnerable, embarrassed, ashamed, or angry? I’ve included the ‘wheel of emotions’ above which is very helpful in identifying and expanding our emotional vocabulary. Write down as many as you can identify that relate to the issue you faced.