Future Focused Co-Parenting

It’s very easy to get stuck in the day-to-day stress of life. Add in a difficult separation, ex-partner, or family law proceedings (or all three) and it’s easy to become overwhelmed. This overwhelm inhibits our ability to create a vision for the future. We find that many parents are just surviving the day-to-day grind and when asked about how they want the future to be, they can’t imagine it.

Getting out of that mental state can feel like a real challenge. The reality is, with a little bit of thought and effort, it’s more simple than you realise. Way back in 1967, there was a study of visualisation of basketball players and their success in making shots. What they discovered was that the more the players visualised making a successful shot, the more successful they were in practice and games. What the research showed was that the neural pathways connected through their physical capabilities as a direct result of visualising.

I would like to share a simple exercise with you to help you start re-focusing on the future. Grab a notepad and pen and write down the answers to the following.

What do I want my life to be free from in the future? (write a list of things present now that aren’t serving you eg. stress, financial worries, family court proceedings, conflict, unhelpful relationships with friends).

This list is one you’re going to put away somewhere and once you’ve written it out, you’re not going to revisit it.

The following are your keeper questions. The ones you’re going to keep somewhere prominent.

WHAT do I want to be present in my life? (wealth, a home, new car, travel plans)

WHO do I want to be present in my life? (write a list of your friends and family who you want closest to you).

What do I want from my co-parenting relationship? Slightly trickier territory, but ideally this will be based on being conflict-free and both of you working in a positive framework for your children. It might also be a less close but simply conflict-free dynamic, where you rarely see or speak, but you can speak about them positively with the children and accept their role in each other’s lives.

What do I want for my children in the future? Really think about this one. How do you want them to remember their childhood? Full of fun, love and important relationships? What will their lives be like as they grow up?

So now you have the foundations of creating a new future vision for yourself. If you’re artistic you might want to create that into a vision board, or use graphics and images. If not, just keep a list.

When you see or feel things creep into your life that are unhelpful, remember to compartmentalise them and put self-imposed boundaries. Don’t manifest them back in by focusing on them.

Stay focused on the important people and things and the next step is to work out an actionable plan of achievement!

If you need help through coaching or counselling, get in touch with us. Ph 1300 919 019 or use the contact tab on the website.